Buttons
by callmefall
Summary: James Potter was a boy who loved to push people’s buttons. Lily Evans hated when people messed with her. So of course, she was his favorite target.
1. Chapter 1

**Buttons  
by chocoholic4eva**

**Disclaimer: Wait, let me go look in the mirror!**

**. . .**

**Sadly, I still haven't magically transformed into JK Rowling, so unfortunately, I own nothing...**

James Potter was a boy who loved to push people's buttons. In his opinion, the bigger the reaction, the better.

Lily Evans hated when people messed with her.

So of course, she was his favorite target.

He never meant to fall in love.

**I know it's short. All the chapters are. But since I've been working ahead, posts will be regular. (I know... I'm shocked too!)**

**I get discouraged easily, so if you want to see more, please let me know!**

**And if anyone could tell me how to get a Beta, I will love them muchly and give them virtual cookies of their choice!**

**I think my Author's Notes are longer than the actual chapter...**


	2. Chapter 2

It all started in their first year. As Lily went to get in the boat, James tripped her, causing her to fall into the lake. When she resurfaced, she let her red-head temper get the better of her.

"You! You did that on purpose you stupid _git_! Now look! I'm _freezing_ my _arse_ off!" She screamed in his face. "I knew you were a prat the second I laid eyes on you! I _hate_ you!"

The speech was wasted on James, who was rolling in the dirt and clutching his sides from laughing so hard. Every so often a coherent word or phrase would escape him, usually something like, "−the look on her face−" or "−priceless−" or "−bloody hilarious−".

This only succeeded in making Lily madder. She turned on her heel and stomped off to where Severus Snape was standing. He was watching her in admiration and a little fear.

Through the years, they continued to have an antagonistic relationship. James would do his best to find what got on her nerves, and Lily would try to find the best ways to insult him. It was a good system. Until James made it come crashing down.

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**Yah, I felt like it wasn't fair... You know, posting the story, but having most of the first chapter in the summary. Stuff like that pisses me off, so I figured 'What the heck? maybe I'll even get some more reveiws out of it!' So, here you go! Chapter 2!**

**Reveiws get faster updates! (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)**


	3. Chapter 3

**JPOV**

It was like I hadn't looked at her before. How had I not noticed the way her emerald eyes sparkled when she was laughing? How her smile seemed to light her whole face up. Oh, right. Because most of the time when I saw her, she was screaming at me for something I had done to her.

It all started as a joke. Something to laugh about with Sirius. To see what I could do to annoy Evans.

It might not have happened if I hadn't discovered the best way to make her angry. Well, technically, Sirius discovered it, but that's beside the point.

For a laugh, Sirius dared me to ask Evans out on a date. Her reaction was marvelous. She went from disbelief to denial to confusion to rage all in about thirty seconds. Then she started yelling. All sorts of things, like "You are such an arrogant prat Potter!" and "Why would I go on a date with a bullying toerag like you?!"

That was the first time I noticed how her emerald eyes seemed to be on fire every time she was telling me off. The first time that I saw how pretty she was when she was mad.

So my reasons for asking her to Hogsmeade changed. Instead of wanting to see her affronted anger at my impudence, I sincerely wanted to take her on a date. Plus, she was pretty when she was mad.

I'm almost positive that I'm in love.

And I'm completely sure that she loathes me.

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**Aww... Poor James! I mean, it's not like he didn't bring it on himself... Oh, wait! He did! But that's okay...**

**Thank you to dreamcatcher96, theflyingbird, and cannotstopwriting for all three of my reveiws! ****Yes, the chapters are short, but that means faster updates! I'm gonna try for one or two a day. (Three today because it's the weekend, and I just feel like it.)**

**Oh, and can _anyone_ tell me how to go about getting a Beta? Cause I really want to know, but it isn't clear to me...**


	4. Chapter 4

The system came to a halt in their fourth year. For some strange and unknown reason, James asked Lily to Hogsmeade. She hadn't been able to believe it. First, that he would even dare to ask her to do something like that with her after all he'd done to make her miserable over the years. Second, that he would ask her with that cocky grin on his face, like he really did expect her to say yes. So really, it made perfect sense for her to deny that he even asked.

Bu he kept looking at her like he expected her to say something. She was confused. Had he really said it? Her confusion went to anger when she realized he must have.

So she did the first thing she could think of. She screamed insults at him. Anything to make him understand that she hated him and that she would never even consider it.

So a new system sprang up.

**Wow! Two days in a row! It's a miracle!**

**Thanks again to all of my reveiwers! Ya'll rock like... GRAVEL!**

**Hope that you love it as muchly as I love reveiws!**


	5. Chapter 5

The new system went like this:

James asks Lily to go with him on the next Hogsmeade weekend. Lily screams the best insults that she can think of at him. She glares at him the rest of the day.

And it starts over the next day.

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**I know. I know. It's short.**


	6. Chapter 6

The system changed again in their seventh year. James was more polite and mature. He didn't ask her out anymore. They were civil to each other.

Lily's mum and dad died that year. A week before Christmas break, she got the letter that said:

_Miss Lillian Evans,_

_We are sorry to inform you of the passing of your parents. They were killed at 10 pm last night in an attack by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his Death Eaters._

The rest of the words just seemed to blur together.

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**I swear the next chapter is longer! It is actually the longest chapter I have written up for this story... not that that says much... Please don't kill me!**

**And I realize that Lily's parents dying is over-used, and way cliche, but it's the way the story wanted to go... I have no control over it! Not the length, or what happens. This story has a mind of it's own! I blame the plot-bunny!**

**And you know what would totally make my day? Breaking 10 reveiws... :-( No, I have not gotten 10 reveiws on a story, and it make-es me ver-ver sad!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'd like to dedicate this chapter to violeteyedkitten and cannotstopwriting for their sweet reveiws! You guys rock!**

Lily got up from the Gryffindor table and ran out the hall.

She was planning on going to the nearest loo, but that plan flew out the window when she ran into James Potter.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" she said anxiously. She hoped this conversation would stay short, because she was about to burst into tears. That was one thing she _really_ didn't want to do in front of James Potter.

He smiled cheerfully. "Well, I don't think it will require a trip to the Hospital Wing, though I may have a couple bruises. How are you?"

Lily wondered what he meant by that. "Oh. I'm okay I guess."

James looked confused. "You guess?"

In that moment, something in her broke and she started crying. She put her back against the nearest wall, and slid down. She hugged her legs and rested her head against her knees. James slid down next to her.

"You can talk to me if you want." He whispered. "I might even be able to help."

They sat there until Lily stopped crying.

"Why don't you go back to the Tower? I'll tell all your teachers that you weren't feeling well." He grinned. "I'll even get your homework if you want it."

She smiled weakly. "Thanks."

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**Yes siree! That is the longest chapter I've posted so far!**

**I am so excited! I have 15 reveiws! I implore those of you who have put me on Story Alerts, but not reveiwed to do so! I will make me happy, and I just might dedicate a chapter to you!**

**I am sorry for not posting this days ago... But it's longer than all the other chapters! Don't hurt me, even if I said I would update every die... Old habits die hard!**

**Yummy treat of choice to all reveiwers!**


	8. Chapter 8

Lily spent the day in bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering about life. Why things happened the way that they did. Why people died. Why James Potter had been inexplicably nice to her since the start of the term. Why Voldemort was the way he was. How people could feel so much hate that they had to take it out on other human beings. How they justified it in their own minds, which made them feel like it was okay to hurt people. Why through the chaos and confusion, people could find a way to laugh. Why it hurt to lose someone that she hadn't been particularly close to.

Her conclusion was that some things just can't be explained; they just are what they are, and they can't be changed. But others you can find the answers to if you just look hard enough.

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**OMG! Thanks to all of you! I want to dedicate this chapter to two of my new reviewers, Gloobery Gloobery Gumdrops and amburger! You guys are so sweet!**

**amburger: Actually, the letter was from the Ministry, I just couldn't find a way to say that....**

**Gloobery Gloobery Gumdrops: I know. I like the last line from James's point of view best though...**

**WhyDoesAWebsiteNeedMyName: I don't know... I just get stuff like that stuck in my head, so I can't imagine it another way. It's interesting how everyone seems to assume that though!**

**cannotstopwriting: Yeah, she was crying because her parents died. I know I already said that, but I thought some people might be wondering the same thing.**

**Annieisjaws: Yup! Here he comes, to save the day!**

**You guys all rock! Thank you so much! (I about busted when I saw how many reviews I had! 28! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!) I love you!**


	9. Chapter 9

**This is for LolliBea, for being extremely honest with me. I promise, chapters will get longer! And for WhispertheWolf, for being so, _her_. Glad you're back girl!**

Everyone noticed the change in Lily. She stared into space during classes, even her favorites, like Potions and Charms. She never offered information in class. She rarely even spoke, and she hadn't had a shouting match with Potter in weeks. Everyone knew that something had happened, but no one knew what.

And there was something different about James too. He wasn't asking Lily out all the time. That in itself was a amazing. But he also started paying attention, and even taking notes in class. He had always been on to pay minimal attention to class, and get good enough grades to do whatever he wanted, but now he paid as much attention as he used to make fun of Lily for.

Things were changing in Hogwarts.

Especially the students.

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**It's getting boring, isn't it?**

**Don't worry... Things start to pick up in Chapter 11.**

**As always, reviews get you recognition! (And imaginary yummies! No, Wolf... You only get one!)**

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	10. Chapter 10

**LPOV**

I wasn't dead, but I didn't feel alive. I spent most of my waking hours staring into space. It may have seemed to some that I was lost in thought, but really, I wasn't. I was actually trying to _not_ think. It was working surprisingly well.

I'm pretty sure it was working because my schedule was so deeply ingrained that I didn't need to pay attention to what I was doing to do it. Things like eating and going to the bathroom were habit, and thinking wasn't required there either. The only thing that really caused problems with my silence was my friends. They tried to get me to talk, but I think they've realized that I'm not going to talk any time soon. I vaguely felt bad for not answering their questions, but I wasn't about to break my silence.

The thing people are most surprised about is my lack of attention in classes. Sometimes, I hear them whispering to each other. They were all wondering what could have caused me to pull into myself like this.

They can just keep on wondering.

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**Yeah, another filler chapter...**

**This goes out to Annieisjaws! Thanks for the reviews! You rock! But really, this is for all of you who are reviewing! I love you guys!**

**No school tommorrow... Yay! I can work on this, so I have a better idea of what will happen! Reviews are proven to get faster updates...**


	11. Chapter 11

Lily got up in the same trance-like state she'd been in for days, and put her blank piece of parchment into her bag. As she turned and walked out the door, James noticed a little piece of parchment flutter to the ground after her. He bent to pick it up, not intending to read it, but the tear-stains on it caught his attention. He thought for a second, and with only a little difficulty, read:

_Miss Lillian Evans,_

_We are sorry to inform you of the passing of your parents. They were killed at 10 pm last night in an attack by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his Death Eaters._

The rest had been blurred beyond his ability to decipher by tears and her running her hands under those two simple sentences. It seemed obvious to him that that was all she had read anyway.

So that was why she was so introspective lately.

James looked up guiltily, and glanced around the empty classroom. He walked out hurriedly, trying to track down Lily to give the letter back.

He wouldn't say anything about it to her. He would just give the note back and try to forget that he had read it.

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**Okay, this chapter is dedicated to dreamcatcher96, for having the idea that James reads the letter. Thank you for your awesome suggestions!**

**Thank you to all of you guys who are sticking with the story, and reviewing. I know you have better things to do in most likely busy lives, but it makes me feel so loved when I open up my e-mail, and there's a whole bunch of stuff from fanfiction saying I have however many reviews!**


	12. Chapter 12

Lily walked from the classroom in her usual way. She would mechanically gather her belongings, and put them in her bag. Then, she turned to the door and walked out, as if she was in a trance. Today was no different. Except this time, she dropped something. She hadn't noticed it, so James Potter went to pick it up. His eyes scanned the page, and then widened in shock. His eyebrows furrowed, and his mouth formed an 'O' of what seemed like understanding. Then he glanced up almost guiltily, and hurried from the classroom.

He walked swiftly towards Lily, and called out her name. She continued walking, as though she hadn't heard him. "Lily!" He yelled most insistently.

She turned slowly.

He held out the paper to her. "You dropped it after class." She took it from him mechanically.

She turned to go to the next class that she would pay no attention to, when he blurted out, "Lily. You can't keep doing this."

She turned back and said in a broken, but still flat voice, "Doing what?"

"Don't stop living just because they're gone."

Her eyes flashed with anger, the first emotion she had let out in weeks. Her voice was hard when she spoke, and scarier by far then when she yelled. "You shouldn't read other people's mail. It's personal. Besides, what would you know about it? What do you know about how it feels to lose someone like that? Why can't you just leave me _alone_, Potter?!"

Pain flashed to James's eyes, then anger. "You aren't the only one to lose someone to him. But I kept going, because I knew that she wouldn't want me to stop living once she was gone. So, _Evans_, what do _you_ know about losing someone like that?" He spat.

Lily's face crumpled in pain. "I know how it is for me. Hell." Her eyes filled with tears.

The fire in his eyes went out, and tears slid silently down his face. "Yeah." He whispered. "Hell."

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**The moment of truth...**

**So, anyway, this chapter is dedicated to megara, my very first anonymous reviewer! And to violeteyedkitten, because I enjoy her babbling! ;D**

**Now, who noticed James never said how his mum died... I did that for a reason. I want to see if anyone can guess what happened to her... I will give a sneak peek to whoever guesses right, so good luck!**

**(Hey! No one has told me about a beta... Please, don't assume that someone already has! I really want to know! Thanks!)**

**I love you all, and I meant that in the most non-creepy way possible! (Although, reviewers are definitely loved more!)**


	13. Chapter 13

**LPOV**

I saw the fire in his eyes go out. For the first time, I saw tears slide down his face. "Yeah," he agreed softly. "Hell."

"James?" I whispered.

"Yeah Lily?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Yeah. I know."

Silence filled the corridor. "James?" I whispered again.

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you about it?"

"If that's what you want."

"It's what I need.

"My parents were always supportive of me. Even when I was little, and did accidental magic, they never scolded. My mum didn't want me to do it because she didn't want me to get hurt, but sometimes my dad and I would go out and I would show him what I could do.

"Then, I met Severus. He told me what I was, and explained all the things that had been happening. I know you don't like him, but he was the first friend I had in the magical world.

"And then the letter came. My sister Petunia was so mad. She still hasn't spoken to me, except to sneer, or say something to hurt me. She wrote to Dumbledore, asking to go too. Sev saw his reply, and wanted to know how she had done it. So, we snuck into her room, and we read the letter. It was a kind letdown. She never forgave me for reading that." Pain lit up in Lily's eyes. "And then it was September 1st. The first day of this new part of my life. The one that Petunia refused to be in. She hasn't even really spoken to me since that day, when she called me a freak. She told me I was going to a school for freaks, to keep us out of the way of the public. To hear that come from her, when she had been my best friend, just kind of broke me. Sev told me to pay it no mind, that she was just a Muggle, but it still hurt.

"So, off we went to Hogwarts. Everything went great those first few years, except for you pranking me and Sev all the time. I must say, I rather hated you for it. But after a while, I came to expect it.

"In our fourth year, you asked me to Hogsmeade. At first, I was sure that I was hearing things, but you just kept looking at me, like I was supposed to answer you. I didn't know what to do. I've never read a book on what to say when your enemy asks you on a date. So, I yelled. I screamed. I hoped that you would get the point. But of course, you didn't.

"Remember after our Defense OWLs? You asked me out while you were hanging Sev up-side down? That made me so mad. He really was my best friend. Then, he called me that― that word. After I stuck up for him, he called me that word. And you― you stuck up for me. You told him off after I had been so horrible to you. Thank you.

"And then I got that letter. I know that my parents and I hadn't been all that close, but they were my parents. The rocks that would be there when I came back. And now they're gone." Lily blinked back tears. "I'll never see them again. My mum won't give me any more advice on boys. My dad won't walk me down the aisle." The tears she had desperately tried to hold back streamed down her face.

"Lily?"

"Yeah?" She said thickly.

"Can I talk to you about it?"

"If it will make you feel better."

"My parents and I were close. It was just us, so we did a lot together. They were radiant and kind. They were both pure-bloods, but they didn't care about stuff like that.

"I knew they loved me. We were rich, so there were always presents under the tree. The physical proof of their love. But more than that was their actions. My mum would read to me every night. She had a different voice for each character. My dad wasn't quite so obvious with it. He always gave me a word of encouragement or a bit of advice when I was down. Sometimes, he'd say something that made absolutely no sense, just to get me laughing.

"Then she died. My mum did. It was never the same. My dad keeps going by working. I think he's just using work as a distraction though.

"I haven't spoken to him since the start of the term." Tears rolled down his cheeks, and his voice was chocked and wobbly. "I haven't _really_ spoken to him since the night before she died. We were laughing, and having such a good time. Then she died." His voice went up a little as he spoke the last sentence. "She died, and he doesn't talk anymore. I try to be strong for her, but it's hard. It's just so hard!" He put his head on his knees, and silent sobs racked through his body.

After a moment, Lily put her arm around him and her head on his shoulder, and let her tears overcome her.

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**This chapter is for everyone who has reviewed! I love you all so very muchly! You are the ever rocking gravel that keeps me going! (I know... I have problems...)**

**There's still time to guess! Remember, sneak peek if you get it right!**

**Ooooo! The next chapter is my favorite! (That I've writen so far...)**

**And reviews... I'm feeling very unloved! Reviews make-esme very happy, and then I feel loved, and then I update sooner! So, REVIEW!**

**Love to all of you! (More to reviewers!)**


	14. Chapter 14

**JPOV**

I never cry. _Never_.

When I was a kid, I didn't cry if I fell. Once, I almost bit off my tongue. It hurt like hell, but I didn't cry.

I didn't cry when Grandma died in her sleep. I guess I knew that she was happy and safe now.

I hadn't cried the morning we found her face down in bed. Not when my dad read the note she had left for me.

So why was I crying now? Why couldn't I hold back the tears?

I thought back on my mum. She had never seemed sick. My dad had told me after her passing that she had been very sick, that there was nothing we could have done for her. He told me that she loved me very much.

My mum had been one of the sweetest people to walk this earth. No matter what, she always knew what to do to make you feel better.

Sometimes, she didn't get out of bed in the mornings. She often had bad headaches and went to bed early.

But she had never seemed sick. It never occurred to me that she was sick, and that she would die.

I tried to be strong for her. Part of the reason I never cried was that I had never seen her cry. She always put on a brave face for me; she never let it show that she was having such a hard time. I _had_ to be strong for her, had to show her that I could stay strong too.

I felt Lily put her arm around me, and I cried harder.

We stopped crying around the same time.

"James?" She said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for being such a jerk to you." Her voice was a little ashamed.

"Well, I did deserve it after the way I've treated you over the years. Really, I should be apologizing for all the stupid pranks I pulled on you." I laughed humorlessly. "I liked watching your reactions. They were always so . . . energetic. Then Sirius dared me to ask you out. Somehow, he knew that would bug you more than anything. That was when I noticed how pretty you were when you were angry. So, I still loved your reactions, but for a different reason. You were so beautiful when you were mad."

"Please," she scoffed.

"You are!" I said defensively. "But it's not just appearances. You're smart and funny and you don't take crap from anybody, especially me."

We both laughed at that.

"If you don't know that you're beautiful in every possible way, you don't see yourself clearly enough. You are _beautiful_, Lily." My voice was gentle, and she looked at me in disbelief.

Her eyes were wide as she looked up at me. How was it even possible for me to love her more than I already did?

"James. . ." She said softly. "Why would you think that? What makes you so sure I'm beautiful?" Tears filled up in her eyes.

"When you're crying, you're beautiful. It makes you look vulnerable, but in a good way. When you're mad, your eyes get all fiery, and I know I'd better watch my step, or I'll get burnt. And when you're happy, when you laugh your eyes light up and it's beautiful. When I see you laugh, I wish it was me who made you laugh. Lily, I wish that I could be the one to make you laugh. I wish that I could be the one to make you so mad you can't see straight, but you forgive me anyway. I wish that I could be the one to hold you when you're broken, and feel all alone in the world. I wish I could be the one who makes you happy. I wish you would give me the chance to be that one. I wish you would let me love you."

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**Excuses.... I have none. I suck.**

**You guys rock, and I totally understand if you hate me until the end of the earth.... but I will miss all of your awesome reviews!**

**So, in case it wasn't clear, James's mom suffered from depression.**

**Hmmm, let's see if I actually get the next chapter out in a reasonable time-frame.... but I wouldn't hold your breath on it!**


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